A Post in Two Parts
1.
A friend at work said her boyfriend wanted to be worshipped in statuette form. Preferably golden. I said his religion should be called Patrolicism, since his name is Patrick. As payment for coining the term, I get bi-annual rites dedicated to me. These rites would be celebrated much like the equinox, twice a year. They'd be like St. Lucy's Feast celebrations. In the spring, look ahead to what your activities and fruitfulness bring. In the winter, celebrate clarity and light--on my birthday, four days before St. Lucy's Feast Day.
This celebration will be called Candulation.
2.
This picture makes me think of a disaster about to happen at an all-girls school. One girl (let's call her Mathilda) has a crush on her female teacher (named Claire) and is going to surprise Ms. Claire by bringing tea to the teacher's room wearing a candle wreath around her head. To her shock, Lady Claire is frolicking under the sheets with the gardener (Jorge)! Horrors! Mathilda convulses in teenage agony. The wreath tips from her head and ignites the velvet drapes, and all is lost at St. Agnes Academy! Save yourselves, girls! Save yourselves! But Mathilda stays where she is. Her heart has already been broken. What else is there to live for now? All of 15, she lets the flames lick her body: her first, last and only lover.
